The Path

My creative path has always been one based on a conversation with myself concerning the wonderment of experience. Adolescent estrangement, the green of the Pacific Northwest, watching the life energy leave a body, photographs I’ve taken, Teri – all these and more open questions that are not readily, nor succinctly explained. This is a continuously expanding and deepening conversation.

The first medium I chose to explore this conversation, and foolishly thought to attempt solution, was Mathematics. This came only after realizing I was uniquely not intimidated by the language. Of course there were many side shows going on – sexual obsession, drugs, friendships – but they, for the most part, only added to the wonderment; Mathematics as I progressed seemed to offer a viable solution by isolating and explaining the core of the palpable. I was intrigued by the idea Leibniz’s development of the language of calculus was in some ways a means to prove God’s will and hence God. That certainly had merit, no?

What eventually happened was I enrolled in higher mathematics studies with a boatload of ‘unique’, zealous, math embracing students, where I quickly became overwhelmed by the language and the accompanying minutiae, which is Mathematics. I began having difficulties grasping the higher concepts – the comfortable world I had so loved was becoming a incomprehensible concrete bunker. My desire was to be awash in the wonderment not hunkered down with infinite minute details. This path became unacceptable.

So then, what next?
— In attempting to explain something one often relies on the simplistic model of cause and effect. As we all know it ain’t this simple, life is not as linearly as is seen when someone attempts to explain a life from a hindsight position. I was at SF State at this time, this being my third attempt (the second also at SF State) to finish my higher education. The second attempt involved following a earlier inclination to become a photographer, that also had been abandoned because, again, I felt overwhelmed, this time in trying to make a living. But the seeds of being exposed to the Art World had been germinating since then and when it came time to find a new path – blossoms burst forth within. (Again it seems first this, then that, but truth is I had been writing stories and had been photographing whatever pleased me during all this time, so no, it just didn’t happen; but I like the blossoms, it makes me feel all warm inside.)
So I shifted and pursued a double major in Art/Photography and Creative Writing completing them in May of 2000.

What lead me to follow this path was the ability of Art to explore any aspect of human endeavor. Very similar to the language of Mathematics but rather than focusing on the concrete, Art uses our own stored and shared experiences to hint at a meaning that is a accumulation, assimilation and morphing of the details; the conversation with myself broadened and deepened using the ethereal language of sense-experience, a layer of communication lacking in the previous path. I realized, to my satisfaction, that there wasn’t a solution it just simply is a life sustaining conversation.

Prior to seriously engaging the intricacies of the world of Fine Art my explorations in writing and photography had been occasioned by curiosity and experimentation loosely influenced by what little writing I had read and the f64 group. Mainly just fun. Well that changed.

Something for a later entry.

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